The Xelloss That Got Zapped (and others)
by Abri
Summary: L-sama up to mischief. Random insanity-ness. Chapter 3 coming as soon as I get reviews! I need to know if anyon'e reading out there!
1. The First Zapping

Author's note: I apologize to Jar Jar fans

**Author's note:**I apologize to Jar Jar fans.And Anakin fans.I don't own anything here.And much credit to Theria on Zelgadis' family.I wish I'd thought of it, but I didn't.It's all her, but I like his mom and grandma.So on with the story!I also don't own the Z that got Zapped.

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The Xelloss That Got Zapped

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(and others)

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"So you mean it?I can be alive again?" asked the little boy, "Cause being dead sucks.It's just unbelievably boring.And Gaav never shuts up…Like it's my fault or something."

Gaav: "It **IS** your fault you little-"

Phibrizzo: "NOT ACCORDING TO VAL GAAV!!!"

"See what I mean?" huffed Phibrizzo.The gold light twinkled."What do you mean conditions?I won't destroy ANYONE!Important…."*a shovel collided w/Phibby's head*"OW!"Phibby rubbed his bruise."What do I have to do then?Anything's better then being dead."The light flickered."You're kidding!Why do I have to do something so stup-I mean, yeah, great, sure.With my powers it'll be a snap."The light flickered goodbye, handed him a magic marker, and the next scene began….

Amelia sat dreamily staring at nothing imparticular.Lina, "Amelia?Hello?Hmmmmm…"Lina switched her empty plate with Amelia's full one.Amelia didn't notice."What's with her?" asked Gourry."Isn't it obvious?!" Lina asked between bites.Swallowing a pitcher of water, she sighed happily, then slammed her fist on the table."How many times do we have to go through this!?!?!?!Amelia is where Amelia always is.The end episodes of Slayers Next.Remember, where Zelgadis picks her up?And saved her from Gaav?"They both turned and stared at Zelgadis.He pretended to see something in his coffee cup."Oh," said Gourry, "but how do you know that Lina?""Simple."Lina took Amelia's change purse and counted out the tip."She talks in her sleep.""About Zelgadis?""Are you kidding?!She never shuts up!Last night-"*Lina whispered in Gourry's ear*Zelgadis tried to scoot over without anyone noticing.Too bad he was scooting into a trap."Yeeeeessssss Zel?You wanted something?" Lina asked, with a playful cat face.A tail sprouted and started swishing happily.Zel desperatly tried to think of a way out.

"Hello everyone ^_^!" greeted Xelloss._Out of the frying pan_, thought Zel.Xelloss sat on the table and started munching on a piece of sausage that had managed to escape Lina.He noticed Amelia.*bonk* *bonk*His staff had no effect."She's in her happy place," supplied Gourry."Ohhhhhhhh.I see."Xelloss, Gourry, and Lina turned and stared at Zelgadis.Zel sighed, rolled his eyes and stared out a window.He sadly missed the site of a kid crashing through the roof…*BAM*and then Xelloss' head breaking the fall.

They both layed sprawled out on the ground.Phibrizzo got to his scences (since he obviously had more) first.He tore off Xelloss' glove and wrote ZAP on his hand, then ran away as fast as his little legs could carry him.He was mauled by fan girls a block later.He raised a hand to kill them all, but nothing happened."WHAT?My powers…I CAN'T USE MY POWERS!!!I'LL GET YOU L-SAMA!!!" he yelled as he vanished into the horizon, and the fan girls inadvertantly trampled Jar Jar Binks to death.The world rejoiced.Meanwhile…

"Phibrizo is… alive?" wondered Amelia."What did he do to you Xel?" asked Lina.Xelloss looked curiously at the ZAP on his hand.Lina grabbed Xel in a headlock."I SAID…What did he do to you XEL???That means answer NOW!"Xelloss tried to talk, but he only got choked wheezes out.Gourry, "I wonder if it's that time of the month?"Amelia, "It's so hard to tell with Ms. Lina…"Lina growled, but before she could despense 'punishment', Xelloss, in a last ditch effort of survival, waved his ZAP hand in front of her."Huh?" Xelloss fell unceremoniously in a heap.Except for his hand that was being clutched by Lina and observed in a tight circle."Lina…" coughed Xelloss, "I need my hand back.""No you don't."Everyone stared closer at his hand."Lina-chan…I didn't realize how much you wanted to hold my hand."Lina tried to release Xelloss and fire ball him, but he had taken a firm grip, and she only got to say Fire Ba- ahhhhhhh!!Face to face Xelloss leanded in and…"Nyaaaaaaahhhhh!"- stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes.*BAM*Xelloss had a Lina-fist-shape embedded into his face.

They all sat down.Lina went to start eating, but all the food had "mysteriously" vanished."Waiter!More food!"No one noticed Xelloss' eyes go vacant for several seconds.His head slumped a little.Lina was sitting in front of him, her back to him.He suddenly went back to "normal", and seemed to notice her there."Lina,"Xelloss whispered in her ear, as he put his arms around her, "you're so very… beautiful."Lina spat out all the food in her mouth, grossing out the enitre room."DARKNESS BEYOND TWILIGHT CRI-"Xelloss kissed her very deeply, cutting her off.Many fangirls covered their eyes, not wanting to watch Xelloss die.Lina glowed red.Her eyes especially.She erupted into flames, as did the building.Everyone ran.Fast.Xelloss' eyes faded again, then went back to normal."Hmm?What's going on?Uh-oh…Did I do somethi-"his memory came back."Oh fu-"Xelloss found himself flying through burned rubble, and a nasty bruise from a kick.He suddenly heard, before he hit the ground, "BY THE POWER YOU AND I POSESS!DRAGON SLAVE!"

A few minutes later, the smoke cleared and everyone noticed the town was destroyed.As they stepped throught the rubble they noticed the body of Jar Jar Binks.He had X's for eyes and was very dragon slaved.The authoress rejoiced.


	2. The Zapping Continues

Chapter 2

A/N: Please Read and Review!I need to know if anyone out there wants more!Besides you Lita ^_^.Enjoy!

Oh!As for those of you who don't know what ZAP means, that's the point.Don't worry, if you don't catch on, it will of course be revealed.And I don't abuse Xel, I abuse Jar Jar.

Xelloss: Please?

Abri: No.Go ask Flare and Shade.Or Lita Inverse, she'll happily Dragon Slave you into a black hole if you're annoying enough.On with the story!R & R!

Chapter 2

Amelia and Zelgadis picked through the rubble, when Zelgadis spotted some purple hair."He's over there!" pointed Zelgadis.The two of them Bom Di'd the rubble off of Xelloss."Do you think we should take him to a hospital or something?" asked Amelia."He'll be fine," growled Lina, cracking her fists.Gourry was elected to carry Xelloss piggy back until his eyes stopped swirling and he wasn't charred black anymore.They trudged down the road toward the next village.For once the villagers had sensed danger ahead of time and fled, so no one was left to chase them out of the town's remains.They enjoyed the peace.That and Xelloss being unconscious.

As they walked down the road Amelia's mind began to wander.Lina noticed her fading out."What's with you Amelia?Have you gone back to your happy place?"Lina grinned evilly and looked at Zelgadis."Ah!Ms. Lina!!!How can you say that!?" Amelia turned red."Mr. Zelgadis will think I fantasize about him being my boyfriend…"Amelia darted her eyes over to Zelgadis, still blushing, but he seemed to be incredibly fascinated with the sky."Everyone knows you don't want Zelgadis as your boyfriend…"Amelia relaxed."You want to marry him and have cute little chimera children.""That sounds like what I wrote in my DIARY!!!Ms. Lina, have you been-"Amelia turned bright red."WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"And with that Amelia vanished into the distance, rather then die of embarrassment and look at Zelgadis.Lina was laughing, Zelgadis was sweatdropping.Gourry shook his head, "Even for you Lina, that wasn't very nice.You should never read someone else's diary either!""You were in it."There was a pause and a breeze of wind."I was?""Yep.""…" said Gourry."Ummmmm…What did it say?"Lina stuck out her tongue, "Wouldn't YOU like to know!?You hypocrite!Fire Ball!"

In the forest…Amelia sniffed."That was very unjust.How will I be able to look at Mr. Zelgadis now that he knows…"Amelia sighed, but then had a brilliant thought."Wait!Maybe he didn't notice!He hasn't noticed I like him ever before!He just tunes everything out."Well, brilliant for Amelia anyway."Hey!," she punded her fist, "That makes me mad!Why _hasn't_ he noticed I like him!I haven't… been too subtle, have I?"Amelia was pondering her questions, and where to get a better lock (if that was possible) for her diary, when a firgure in the trees noticed her.

The figure reached into his pocket and pulled out a marker.He dramatically flicked the cap off with his thumb.A special affect sounded, and the tip of the marker (somehow despite being black) gleamed.Amelia was still skipping along oblivious to the figure when it lunged straight at her.He grinned.Seconds from his target, Amelia found a way to trip over the ONLY area of the forest with no rubble at all."Wahhkk!" she yelled."Hey that's it!I can trip into Mr. Zelgadis.And then he'll say, "Oh Amelia!Are you alright?"And I'll say, "Yeah…." As dreamily as I can, and then…Hey, what's that?"She looked over at what was left of Phibrizzo.He looked much like a fly does when they hit a a moving car's windshield, but luckily nothing like Jar Jar Binks looked.As Jar Jar had just been taken to a pod race and used as the end check point.The authoress' cousin, Lita Inverse, rejoiced.Phibrizzo, having no knowledge of poor Jar Jar's abuse, or that he even existed (lucky jerk…), peeled himself off the rock.

Amelia ran over to see if the small boy was alright."Wait!" she said when she saw him, "YOU'RE PHIBRIZZO!"She had a grand time doing a stomping dance on his head."THAT'S!FOR!KILLING!ME!" she yelled a word on each stomp."AND THIS…IS FOR KILLING ZELGADIS!PACIFIST CRUSH!!!!"Amelia channeled energy into her limbs just before she landed on Hellmaster.

If he had known anything about Jar Jar's recent death, he might have wished he could trade places.He was beginning to get very irritated.Every time he was attacked by someone, he tried to make their life orb appear before him to crush it and watch them die, etc, etc.But L-sama seemed to only allow him power when he was doing something to do with his mission.Or near death.Or so he hoped…At this rate he figured he'd have a chance to find out at least.Just as he was blacking out he had a thought, and yelled for dear life, "I CAN GET YOU A DATE WITH ZELGADIS!"Amelia froze mid Ra Tilt.Phibrizzo ttok the opertunity to summon his powers the only way he could.He wrote ZAP across her hand and teleported away faster then Amelia could see.He lay in a field breathing."Don't…wanna… die…again…."He breathed in deeply, then exhaled.He was gently swarmed by fangirls (if that's possible) and taken to a local Bishonen Shrine.There he was healed by the Otaku Shrine Maidens.

Amelia rubbed furiously, but the marker writing would not even smear.By now she was back with the others.No one knew what to make of it.SO they decided to drop it for now and keep going.As they walked Zelgadis looked over at the once again conscious Xelloss."I knew you were a masichist, but I didn't think you were suicidal."Xelloss frowned at Zelgadis, "I'm not.Some sort of magic acted on me.Really REALLY powerful magic.""Hmph," said Zelgadis, "That's a pretty lame excuse."Xelloss felt a growl rising in the back of his throat, but then laughed."Oh Zelgadis!I didn't know you could be so…Jealous.""WHAT?!" roared Zelgadis."Be serious Mr. Xelloss.Why did you kiss Ms. Lina?" said Amelia."Sore wa himitsu desu," grinned Xelloss.Then Amelia vanished into thin air.

Xellas'd had a long day.Ever since Luna had informed her of things in Zephylia, things had gone from bad to worse.To begin with, the town was going through a drought, so there was a shortage of grapes.To make things worse, with Xelloss away, the lesser minions had gotten out of line, and eaten some of the crop.Luckiy the girls who stomped the grapes were quite safe, Luna had made sure of that.And the lesser mazoku were blessed by being killed by Luna rather than Xellas.So it seemed that Xellas was going to have to take from her martini supply for awhile.She sighed and sipped from her martini glass, wishing for the famous Zephylia wine she was accustomed to.At least an annoying creature called Jar Jar Binks had gotten its tongue caught in the machinery and been sucked in.Very similarly to a bird being sucked through a jet engine.Somewhere very far away the authoress' cousin's brothers rejoiced.But she was going to relax and that was that.She layed down on her cushions and relxed. 

Amelia screamed at the top of her lungs as she fell.Which wasn't long.Her fall was quickly broken by something.Xellas screamed at the top of her lungs._Make that someONE_, Amelia screamed mentally.She rolled off of Xellas.Xellas' eyes flew open.It was just as frightening as when Xelloss' opened."I'LL KILL YOU!" she yelled.Amelia screamed and backed into a corner."X-x-x-xellas Brid!" screamed Amelia.The spell flashed out and struck Xellas.She face faulted.Then fell over laughing.Her sides ached as she laughed even harder.Amelia's fear started to be replaced with irritation."Hey!What's so funny!"Xellas wiped tears away from her eyes, "A shrine maiden…USING BLACK MAGIC!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"Saying that, her laughing fit came back on.Amelia got a knot at her forehead, made a fist and growled.Everyone always picked on that!Xellas sniffed, "That's not why I'm *gasp* laughing so hard.""Grrrrr, why then?!"Xellas handed Amelia her driver's liscence.Amelia, despite not knowing what a driver's liscence was, read the name next to the picture."Metallium, Xellas."They both sat in silence.Amelia slowly pieced the frightening information together."GREATER BEAST MASTER?!A DARK LORD OF SHABRINIGDO???!!!""Hmmm.I should consider getting a card, that would sound very intimidating."Amelia did the sensible thing.She screamed."T-t-t-tha's why my spell wouldn't work!""Duh.Look at the first word of the spell.Xellas.It really brightened my day watching you do that though, and feeding off your fear has been very refreshing.Now I'm going to kill you.Thanks for dropping by, it's been great."Amelia curled into a little ball.(Hey, you wouldn't be brave either in front of a dark lord).She whimpered, "Zelgadis…"Once again Xellas' eyes flashed open.Twice in one day.If Amelia had known how rare that happened she would have been very proud, but as it was, when a dark lord opens their eyes at you…Well, it doesn't help your composure any.It generally means run-very-very-fast.But Amelia had nowhere to run (not that it would have helped), so now it just meant, hope-you-left-a-message-in-your-will-for-the-guy-you-never-got-to-date.This in mind she whimpered Zelgadis' name again.

Xellas thought for a moment._Zelgadis isn't exactly a common name…Could it be?_"Little annoying girl – tell me more about this Zelgadis."Amelia peeked an eye open.Seeing no other option (and it's not like she minded rambling about Zel) she stuttered, "His last name is Greywords, he's a chimera, he drinks coffee a lot, he has this really great laugh, he doesn't laugh much unfortunatly, he's really smart, he's incredibly gorgious (oops, did I say that out loud?), he tries to kill Xelloss a lot…Ummm," she struggled to think of more to say.Fearing for her life was slowing her thought process."My baby!" shouted Xellas.Amelia face faulted, "N-nani?""You've seen my darling baby boy?!?!Oh my L-sama!My beautiful Zelly… – WHAT DO YOU MEAN CHIMERA?!"Amelia had almost thought it was safe, but safe is not a mad glowing dark lord."AHHHH!REZO!REZOREZOREZOREZO!He did it!!!AHHHHHHH!"This time Xellas burst into flames. "HE DID WHAT?I'LL KILL HIM!""But…" Amelia said in a quiet voice."WHAT?" demanded Xellas."Ms. Lina already did that…twice.""My poor darling son!" shouted Xellas."YOUR WHAT?!" shrieked Amelia.

Back with the gang…"Amelia!Where are you?" everyone called searching around."Ohhhh, where did she go!?" Lina yelled irritably."Xelloss!Do YOU know anything about this?!""Me Lina?Oh, gosh no.Certainly not.Why would you even suspect me?""Can it!We all know you have more information then you share.Would you tell me if you DID know anything?""Sore wa himitsu desu."Amelia fell out of no where and landed on Xelloss' head.Xelloss and Amelia plumeted to the ground, (Xelloss had been floating).Amelia was perfectly fine.She leaped up immediately."I just met Zelgadis' mother!!!""What?" Zelgadis asked, a little more then startled."YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE GREATER BEAST MASTER'S SON!" yelled Amelia in shock and exhasperation."I'M WHAT?!" screamed Zelgadis.Xelloss had been floating again.He was coming to regret this action.Xelloss fell to the ground like a rock, still in cross legged style, "**HE'S WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!**"This was the first time anyone had seen Xelloss in shock.EVER.They also had found out Zelgadis was the son of Xellas.Gourry had no idea what was going on.Amelia looked ready to faint.Lina was sputtering a lot.Xelloss eventually realized he was on the ground.He stood up."Hmm," he said looking up, "Master has been keeping secrets of her own…"

Amelia sobbed quietly, "My beloved's a-a-a-a…Half-MAZOKU!!!Wahhhhhhhh!"She snapped her head up, "So THAT'S why you couldn't say LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL Mr. Zelgadis!"They all think back to that episode."Oh yeah…" says Lina, Gourry and Xelloss.


End file.
